My Story

I recall once, a woman said, "Wow, I wish I could be like you. You have so much good energy and light." I thanked her, laughed and said, "You have no idea. This hasn't always been who I am." Many now see my light but have no true idea how long and how hard I fought to rid myself and my life of darkness.

For many decades I suffered because I had not healed, I had not forgiven and I had closed my eyes to the realization of what my life could truly be. A life full of love, light, happiness, and internal PEACE! In my mind, I lived as a victim and resolved to die as a victim because that was all this life had to offer me. I was here for nothing more than to experience pain. The events, hurt and pain, that I kept replaying out over and over again in my head and repeated in my life, held me hostage for decades.

I was angry, volatile and relentless in my "F the World" outlook. I had no peace. A Babalawo even said I was crazy. I pushed down and ignored as much of my "gift" and contact to the other side as I could, angrily and painfully yelled at God and kept it

moving. My spirits never left my side though. They did after all, come with me to earth.

Childhood Trauma has many catastrophic effects on one's psyche, outlook and emotional state. I suffered from the fallout for decades, but wouldn't budge to actually try to heal. I contemplated suicide almost daily in my 20's, filled my heart with the things that helped erase the pain, even if only temporarily or completely submerged myself in numbness. Afterall, it was too painful to heal, or so I thought and I'd tried for a very long time.

As the years went on I submerged myself in happiness, in sadness, in the life of bitter-sweetness. I told myself the lies that I was just fine. I recognized all of the terrible things that happened, I forgave (Or so I thought) and that is all I needed. I tried therapy for a couple of months. Nope that wasn't working.

It all came to a head in my 40s when I went before the feet of sprit and my ancestors came down. They said I had to MOVE or they would not move. I remember they made me shed ONE tear that day, before we could close the session. That is all they wanted. Just "A Tear" from the hard as a stone descendent that stood before them.

Fast forward, I took some steps to seek help and allow spirit, my ancestors and GOD to do the internal work that no therapy or prayer or anything else could touch.

I woke up one day after giving up many times until one day.... I was another person. Through initiation, spirit, prayers, etc.... facing all the shit within --- I was REBORN.

THE TRUTH: The other, more put together. version of My Story disappeared from this page so I had to rewrite it. I know that was nothing but spirit. My Uncle told me once, "If you are going to be a testimony, BE A TESTIMONY"! I was just reminded. So here I laid it out like it is...was!

I pray that this little bit of insight into a piece of my life can change, INSPIRE CHANGE and positively impact another's.